Intention Is the New Need? Hell, It Was Always There.

Every few months dating gets a new vocabulary pack.

Intentional.

Aligned.

Emotionally available.

Healed.

Secure.

None of those words are useless.

The bullshit starts when saying the word becomes proof that you are the thing.

Now everybody is “dating with intention.”

Okay.

What were we doing before that?

Accidentally calling people? Falling into relationships by administrative error? Waking up married because somebody clicked the wrong button?

Come on.

Intention has always been there.

When you call somebody because you miss them, there is intention.

When you do not call because you want them to wonder where you are, there is intention.

When you say you are not ready for a relationship but still want all the comfort, access, sex, attention and consistency of one, there is intention there too.

Might not be a good one.

Might not even be fully conscious.

But it is there.

Everybody has intentions

Some intentions are beautiful.

“I want to know you.”

“I want to build something.”

“I want to show up differently this time.”

“I want to love somebody without trying to own them.”

Cool.

Some intentions are selfish.

“I want company until I get bored.”

“I like what you do for me.”

“I want access without responsibility.”

“I want you close enough to make me feel wanted, but not close enough to ask anything of me.”

Those are intentions too.

Some are confused.

Some are temporary.

Some are based on fear.

Some change after you actually get to know the person.

And sometimes the most honest intention somebody has is:

I do not know yet.

That can be real.

The problem is when “I do not know” secretly means I know what I want from you. I just do not want to tell you what I am unwilling to give back.

That is different.

“Intentional” became branding

This is the part that gets me.

People say “intentional” now like putting organic on a cereal box.

It sounds healthier.

It sounds mature.

It sounds like you have done the work.

But what does it actually mean?

You can intentionally waste somebody’s time.

You can intentionally keep somebody in rotation.

You can intentionally move too fast because being wanted feels good.

You can intentionally choose somebody because they fit the picture you have in your head, even when you do not really see the person standing in front of you.

Intentional does not automatically mean healthy.

It just means there is a direction behind the behavior.

So maybe we need to stop congratulating ourselves for having intentions and start asking whether those intentions are honest.

The issue is usually not intention. It is mismatch.

One person is dating to build.

The other is dating to experience.

One wants companionship.

One wants marriage.

One wants sex and friendship.

One wants exclusivity.

One wants to heal while having somebody around so healing does not feel lonely.

Nobody has to be the villain in every mismatch.

But somebody does have to tell the truth.

That is where all the trendy language becomes useful or completely useless.

You can know your attachment style, your love language, your boundaries, your triggers, your moon sign, your Myers-Briggs letters and the exact podcast episode that explained why your ex was terrible.

Fine.

What are you here to do?

And does the person sitting across from you know that?

Your behavior usually answers before you do

I pay more attention to behavior than the words people use to describe themselves.

You say you want consistency.

Are you consistent?

You say communication matters.

Do you communicate when the conversation gets uncomfortable?

You say you want something serious.

Does your life actually have room for another person?

You say you are protecting your peace.

Are you protecting peace, or just protecting yourself from ever having to compromise?

You say you are intentional.

Okay.

What are you intentionally doing?

That question gets rid of a lot of decoration.

Intentions can change too

This matters.

You can meet somebody casually and start caring.

You can walk in hoping for forever and realize three months later that the fit is wrong.

You can genuinely want a relationship and then discover you are not as ready as you thought.

Changing your mind is not automatically dishonest.

Pretending your mind never changed because you like the benefits of the old arrangement is where it gets messy.

There is a difference between:

“My intention changed.”

and

“I changed the deal but forgot to tell you.”

One is life.

The other is convenience.

So yeah, intention is the new need

I get it.

People are tired.

They do not want to guess anymore.

They want somebody who knows why they are there.

But hell, intention was always there.

It is still there.

Maybe what people really want now is visible intention.

Say what you are doing.

Mean it as best you can.

Let your behavior back it up.

And if it changes, say that too.

Because the word intentional does not make anybody safe, serious, mature or compatible.

Sometimes it is just another nice word in the bio.

The intention was always in the room.

The question is whether anybody is telling the truth about it.